I’ve been having a lot of thoughts recently about the people in my life, and whether they should be there anymore. Friendship is a two way street, and with a lot of people I’ve been calling friends for years it no longer feels this way. I shouldn’t have to hunt someone down to get a text back. I shouldn’t have to worry about you flaking off at the last minute. A great life motto to live by is to treat others as you wish to be treated. This is of upmost importance for the people close to you – they can be the easiest to take for granted.
I have ‘friends’ that I have known for years but who never ever respond when I call to see how they are. ‘Friends’ who constantly talk about how much they want to see me, but who will never commit to plans. I have ‘friends’ who refuse to empathise with situations they don’t understand, and instead cause arguments over trivial matters. I have ‘friends’ who bring nothing but negativity and competition as to who has a worse deal in life. And you know what? As much as these people have, or in some cases have had, a large space in my heart, I just can’t find the space for them in my life anymore – however harsh that sounds.
I am a person that no matter what I have going on in my life, I will offer a shoulder to cry on. A problem shared is a problem halved, and I have never once hesitated to support those close to me who need it. But sometimes, it would be nice to have that in return. Many of you will know that the time towards the end of 2015 and beginning of 2016 was very tough for me, and I could have really done with that support then. I should never have to filter what I have to say to my friends for fear of being judged, or for fear of pissing them off with a problem they think is of no significance.
Some people all I have in common with is the past, but shouldn’t a friendship be about more than what has been? The past is crucial to friendship, but so is the now, and what comes next.
People that spend more time being jealous of you, or undercut you with ‘something better’ aren’t the kind of people I want in my life.
People who have accused me of changing. I am a person. I am going to grow, and I am going to change, and I am going to carry on being my own person. Telling me I’ve changed in a bad way is not going to change this. It is only going to cause me to question why we are friends. If I find myself wondering why we are friends – I think that speaks for itself.
Following on from these thoughts I found myself looking at my social media accounts. I don’t know why I was still following a lot of people. People I used to spend a lot of time with but no longer speak to. People I used to work with, people I was at uni with or was in halls with, even people I went to school with. In short, people who have absolutely zero impact on my life anymore. Seems harsh but it really is true, so why was I still ‘holding on’? Maybe it was morbid curiosity of what people are doing with their lives – but do I really need to know? Do I even want to know?
I feel an odd sense of freedom after a huge unfollowing session. Like I’ve made a very odd step forward, but a good one.
I don’t really know what point I’m trying to make with this post. Maybe this is in some ways a general ‘break up’ letter to those ‘friends’ that I can no longer make allowances for. Maybe is a PSA to everyone out there not to take your friends for granted.
I will say that I have some of the best friends in the world. People I can go to with anything and everything, and I trust them with my life. People who know far far too much personal information about me, but with whom I have the funniest jokes with. I want to thank those people for being in my life, I love you.
As my girl (and you know who you are) said:
“I’m done with flakers, society is so lonely these days and technology has made it so much easier to do nothing. I wanna be around people who want to see each other, do things and make memories.”
Amen to that.